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Hi there. Thanks for stopping by. If you are new here then let me introduce you to Peggy and Steve. You’ve now met the two most important dogs I know. Today we’ll talk about Peggy. Let’s all take a deep breath and direct our focus on a dog for a moment. But first, an arresting puppy photo.
Peggy is unruly. She wears her emotions on her sleeve. The things she loves (some men, all women, any throw-able ball, discarded street food/trash, freshly fallen snow, a good creek) she loves ferociously. The things she hates (the wind, EDM music, when we pack for a trip, the FedEx man, being forced to do a pee walk at the end of the night) she barks or stress pants about. You know where you stand with Peggy, which I’ve always admired. Unlike Steve, Peggy would be terrible at poker.
But what she loves above all else in this earthly life is a plush dog toy — a stuffed animal, essentially. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, nor does the quality matter much. Chickens, bears, ducks, deer, squid, a Donald Trump facsimile sent to us by a stranger after her accident, monkeys, sting rays, it’s all the same. Faux lambs to the slaughter.
We don’t bring toys home with great frequency but it doesn’t matter. Peggy can always sense fresh blood. Each time she greets me at the door with her head slightly tilted, tail wagging — just a bit too up in my business. For a time after she follows me around the house expectantly.
Then, eventually, it is time.
If Peggy were a human with a job, I imagine she would be an engineer who did roller derby in the evenings. She has an innate ability to assess an object and immediately spot the structural weaknesses. This is a way of telling you that the stuffed toy has no chance.
The first moments are harried, basically frantic. Once in mouth, she retreats to a corner. It is important she has an eye on all the exits. Then she turns the toy over with aggressive head movements. She is searching for joints, imperfections. Then she pauses. There is a glimmer in her eye. Her head swan dives into the plush.
What follows is entrancing. It is a dance between surgical precision and frenzied madness. Simply put, Peggy enters a fugue state. In the working world it is described as achieving flow. Athletes describe it as being ‘in the zone.’ For Peggy, it is a state of Nirvana that ends only when the squeak mechanism at the center of the toy is discovered, dismantled, and discarded. Within moments the house is covered in fuzz. At least one sad appendage lays defeated on the floor. A Build-A-Bear battlefield.
The entire affair is over in under five minutes. Once the chomping and ripping and pawing has subsided and the fur has settled, a stillness falls over the room. Peggy presides over the toy, eyes glassy and panting. She turns to us to approval. Our look registers a mix of pride and concern. She looks into the middle distance. The pants continue for a moment. Then, she gathers the toy. She lowers her head on the dismantled carcass and nuzzles. The mangled husk, now defeated, becomes her best friend.
Your faithful correspondent,
Charlie
Your journalism is exceptional. Thank you for that. But this pet blog is..beautiful. It's one of those little narrative nuggets I rolled around in my head a few times like savoring a chocolate. <PRESSES SUBSCRIBE>
Our 12 year old dog Romeo is like Shiva in Destroyer mode—no toy is safe. But it doesn’t seem to be about getting the squeaker—he’s more into disemboweling the toy and spreading stuffing near and far. Our 11 year old Ozzy still has all his puppy toys. He fossicks around in the huge flower pot where the toys live until he finds just the one he wants. Then he brings it out, and squeaks it to get our attention. At which point we are required to throw it for him to fetch (he is a Husky, not a retriever of any stripe). Then when he’s through w/ that (4 throws max) he lies down w/ the expectation that we will get down on the floor and scratch his chest. Toys for him are basically “person bait”. Although he does lie w/ his head on them like a pillow. Romeo, surprisingly, never touches Ozzy’s toys.